Are you Him?

I just had a conversation with my friend Sima, he asked a question about the blog, that made me feel rather conceited. He wanted to know if my blog is personal. I struggle answering this question because if I say yes it is personal, then some one might ask why don't I just buy a journal and put my thoughts into words. If I say no it is not personal then someone else might ask, then why are you writing about yourself? Just to clear the confusion. The blog is not categorised, it is general, it is an extension of my existence and my surroundings. Thus, the following note is about me and my ideal boyfriend. Some of you know that I am a single at the moment. I put a lot of thought into this and decided that if I am to involve myself in an intimate relation, that lucky bugger would have to adhere to these standards. the said lucky bugger need not worry, because even though I am vain at times, I am no high maintanance diva or is it divo?

I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. you tell him things that you've never shared with another soul and he absorbs everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share your hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and many disapointments life has thrown at you. when something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell him about it, knowing he will share in your excitement. He will not be embarassed to cry with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never does he hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather he builds you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quite calmness when he is around. You can be yourself and not worry about what he will think of you because he loves you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid its like being a teen again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant, laughter seems a part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In his presence there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having him nearby. Things that never interested you before, become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

Beyonce Inspiration

I know who I am at 26. That is a beautiful thing. I think that’s the best thing to know and if you go to college and you’re educated and you know all of the theories and know all of the answers that’s one thing, but when you know who you are …. that is the beginning of wisdom. Some artists are so blessed and so favored but they don’t take it serious, they take advantage of all of the people that love them and I couldn’t imagine that.

Sometimes I wonder why me? Why did God give me this life? Sometimes I wonder why did God give me my talent, my gift, my family? Why wasn’t I born in poverty but I know you are not suppose to question God so I’m grateful for the life he’s given me. I would never take it for granted. I listen to that intuition and I’m not going to change. No, I’m living my dreams. -Beyonce

Beautifull Disaster

I sit here, trying to update what I'd like to believe they are informed critiques. This year has been very interesting for me and I suppose it was just one of those learning curves. This post is inspired by a song by Kelly Clarkson called a Beautiful Disaster, such a sad song that whenever I listen to it, I am reminded of how unpredictable life is and just when you start thinking that you have everything figured out, something, you or someone  comes along and screws everything up for you. I love life so much that I am thankful for every opportunity or chance I get at it. This statement would have proven otherwise a few months ago, when I hit the lowest of the low. I felt so alone and angry and I had honestly thought that God had forsaken me, for anyone to go astray like I did, its only logical that they would think that they're forsaken. I am glad and thankful to the mighty creator though, for making me realise that this was a test (even though, a huge part of me does not believe this premise's entirety).

We spend too much time focusing on the trivialities of this world, that we forget sometimes, to take time and recognise what surrounds us. I look at the sky, the sea, the earth landscape and think of how fortunate and unfortunate I am. I wanna be the greatest that ever lived, I want to be a tour de force, when I walk past, I want trees to bow down to me and statues erected in my honour. (laughs, of course this all in my head). With this second official post, I want to thank and mention the people that are in my life at moment, people that push, inspire and keep me grounded. I want to say to all of you that you all are very important in my life and thank you for being there for me always and for keeping up with this self-acclaimed Diva. Mommy, for always scolding me for no reason (lol), Father, for helping mommy design me, Masiviwe (Half-brother), for all those endless fights we had when we were growing up, the love, the looking out for one another, for your heart and welcoming personality, Masande (Little brother), even though we found out at a much later stage that we share one link, I love you like you're my own child, thank you always making me laugh even when I'm mad at you, my love for you goes beyond what I can say, Thina (Cousin) You've always been the light of my life, I knew that the moment you were born, through to babysitting you (got paid  for it in monetary terms though) but that should not discourage you or make you doubt my love for you, Gran for always trying to stuff me with carbs coz you thought that a definition of a proper man was a plus-size model, I have since forgiven you for not fully comprehending the concept  fabuleux (laughs) I love you with all my heart though. To all my other aunts and cousins, not mentioned here, you and I know ... and I love you.

To Amanda  (BFH and BFF), for being a sister, friend, mentor and inspiration, we have had our share of what this life thang is, but we've always for some reason managed to come out of any situation triumphant and lethally fierce. I love you, Puli, (BFHE and BFF), for being a wonderful sister, mother, friend, voice of reason, no-nonsense biatch and for always making me happy with your silly dancing. I could never trade the memories I share with you for anything in the world. I learned a lot and thank you and I love you. Nella one word to describe you living angel you may not know this by you mean a whole lot more than I am making it out to be, thank you for all the times, sad, happy, funny, awkward. u are a star, Busi for being yourself and all your other elements, I love you and its the kind of addictive love, Nezi for a true and genuine friendship and love, Aviwe, Siya and Landile you guys know how much I love you and am thankful to you for being in my life, Lwando, Vivi, Lazola I love you guys (Gosh feels like I am doing a thank you note- laughs) Sima, Wandile, Pam, Thoz, Thobs, Litha, Tasha, Nicole, Shannon, Nina, Phila, Zikhona, Noxy, Mampho, Darren, MaBony, Thulan, Zusange, Simnikiwe, Msa, Mickey, Mnoneleli, Bonani, Bhuti and all those that I have not mentioned (due to space) I love you.

To Wendy Tiba, you are the most loved, cherished, thank you for being in my life and teaching me all the wonderful things that you did, thank you for guiding me through fabulousity. I love you forever.

PS: I am not dying, but just thought that it would be nice to mention people that I don't tell everyday that I love. Here's an extract from the Beautiful Disaster by K. Clarkson:

                                            I'm longing for love and the logical
                                               But he's only happy hysterical
                                           I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
                                                         Waited so long
                                                             So long ...
                                                                 <3

Hello World!

Its been a while since I wrote anything on my self ... I don't wish to officially make this a diary, I wish for it to remain what it is, a Blog. I do however want to share my life in it and the experiences that come with it. Thus I would like to start by introducing myself to you. My name is Siyabulela Zizokwanda-IIntsikelelo Baliso. I was born on a Thursday morning in Krugersdorp Hospital on the 5th January 1989 |please don't ask my memories thereof, as I spent only four years there during post-natal period| I was born to a father who is half Zulu, half Xhosa and a mom who is pure Xhosa. |and please again, don't ask me to tell you where I fall on the latter|.
We moved to small town Mthatha where my mom is from, 4 years after me and my younger brother were born ... stayed there during my prep, middle and junior school years, however Cape Town was my holiday destination every June and December vacation respectively, since father moved this side. I fell in love with this city, hence my request to move here and complete my high school years. It was fun and sad at times but I loved it nonetheless. For all those that don't know |Your ignorance is pardoned| I am a young black gay male currently juggling University and life and its shortcomings. I'm enrolled for a Baccalaureates Atrium, majoring in Political Science, Gender Studies and African Literature. With God's grace by the end of the coming year I will be conferred with my first ever degree ... I await that day with bated breath.

My life:

I  have been told by many that I appear as though I'm stuck-up and egotistical or is it 'ego-testicle' |laughs|, well my response has always been ... 'well darling ... you clearly don't know me as well. Self love I have but, I don't regard myself as better than any individual ... unless we're competing for Beyonce's bootie hop. I make friends quite easily to a limited extent though ... sometimes I become a 'social decline' for no apparent reason. I have friends, I have had friends, I have lost friends, and I'm still looking for friends because my belief is that true friends are forever. I like music, I like alcohol and I love a good time | please note that my definition of good time might be slightly different to what you have in mind, thus mine is shopping alone or with friends, eating out, dressing up for the movies, going from night bar to night bar just because it is well within my right, spending time with loved ones, reading a good book, laughing, drinking wine and smiling while doing it (I have proven the fact that you tend to get tipsy more than the others in the room if you do so), going through fashion spreads and gossip columns of a magazine at the magazine section of a local supermarket, just to be on the know of the latest fads and trends ... even though I will not be purchasing the magazine |laughs to self|, cooking, baking and all the typical domestic stuff my mommy taught me all those years, I love girls girls and more girls ... I relate to them more than I do to any species. I also enjoy it when I get A's and B's on my script after a hectic paper| that for me is a good time!


Nuff said:

Well I can count the number of times I've had boyfriends, and I mean people that I had relations with ... I think about |scratching head vigorously| 3. |laughs to self| I am single ... sometimes miserable but at times the best thing that ever happened to me |Yeah right!| well considering that I'm a free spirit that's always willing to dress the part and prepare to shake some booty at a party a friend invites me to, I'd say its pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. However, this post is not about my marital status, I just thought I should throw it out there.

Finally:

I guess the point of this blog is purely for fun reasons, I am introducing myself to the world in a witty, fun, spontaneous and sometimes serious manner. I want to teach and be taught, I want to laugh, I want to love, I want to be free.

Welcome to my Sanctuary. |WORD IZ|